afterallthistime: (Default)
Let's talk about how much I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Or not. Yeah, no, let's not.

Last weekend I went to [community profile] muskratjamboree and it was epic, just as it was the last time. I tend towards the quiet, lurky side, since I've not been super vocal in fandom in the last several years, but I still love fan culture and hearing the last about what people are reading and watching and doing. I've picked up a lot of potential fandoms that may interest me, and had a great time basking on the aura of enthusiasm that everyone brought for their respective fandoms.

Mostly, it made me really want to create things again -- like, in terms of vidding or ficcing again, obviously, but also in a more general sense. Like, what excuse do I have -- what valid excuse do I have -- for not writing more, or for not doing more photomanips, or working on graphics so that I can actually get good enough to commit the images in my head to paper? Why am I not reading and critiquing more fic, or betaing anymore, or generating meta? Why am I pushing ideas aside as being too undeveloped or "out there" when I know I would get pleasure from writing them, and when I know, first hand, that there is an audience for everything, however brief, or meandering, or outlandish.

I feel like I am turning my back on a potentially welcoming community** out of a sense of inadequacy and this idea that I have nothing of value to offer, and that is just total bullshit. There are brilliant ideas out there that I am missing out on by not paying more attention to the community, and my own ideas are stagnating and dying because I never even give them a chance. I need to put the kibosh on that mode of thinking, yo.

Tomorrow starts the April round of Camp NaNoWriMo, and I'm hoping that lights the appropriate fire under my ass to start me writing again, because it's not so much that I have no ideas as it is that I never give myself permission to just write and not worry about quality or plot, and once I get started, I usually generate some decent stuff if I can keep it going long enough. Hoping to start on a collection of short fiction that I've been putting off committing to paper since, mmm, October, maybe??

**I'm referring specifically (in light of the con) to the fandom community, but in a broader and just as valid sense, I also mean the ~creative community in general. I enjoy making things, I enjoy crafting, and crocheting, and writing, but I don't make time for them any more. It's like -- work, gym, dinner, chores, internet, bed, everyday. THERE IS MORE TO ME THAN THAT, GODDAMNIT. I just need to... fucking reclaim it, man.

Meanwhile, this weekend I spent (with SIGNIFICANT help from Andy) getting the house clean, because SPRING, BITCHES. Wow, with two of us, we got basically EVERYTHING done in a day and a half, which is pretty epic, honestly. I still have to clean the tub and then my craft room (because, aha, the craft room is basically a dumping ground for whatever shit I've been working on -- or not working on -- and right now it contains:

1. a suitcase still half-full from MJ,
2. a stack of newspapers for a paper mache Loki helmet I am "supposed" to make for Anime Boston,
3. several blocks of Sculpey, a bunch of loose and disorganized jewelry posts and jump hooks, bottles of acrylic paint, and dozens of charms in various stages of completeness,
4. piles of clothing that no longer fit, strewn on both my desk chair and my dress makers dummy,
5. most of my collection of scrapbooking supplies, all over my desk, because... fuck you, that's why (no, I have no recollection of using them recently, I don't know how or why they're there)

but the craft room is closed off from the rest of the flat 99.9% of the time anyway, and I kind of regard it as a seperate entity, because I'm the only one who ever goes in there anyway. So while I DO want to get it cleaned and organized, it's not as much of a priority as the rest of the living space). This is a big deal, because it makes me feel like SOMETHING in my life is just, you know, DONE. Set. A-ok. In order. It means it's one less thing I have to feel anxious about, or to use as an excuse as to why I'm not doing X, Y, and Z instead of fretting about my living space or feeling overwhelmed by other obligations (also, everything smell like Fresh Water, and that's super nice, ahh...) We threw the windows open yesterday and tore down the curtains (to wash them), the the whole flat as full of fresh air and sunlight, and yeah... it feels like, if I had to wait for a time to start things over, this is it. This is the time to renew commitments to yourself.

Other things:

1. I've been driving. I know, wow. I'm hating it less. We're planning on scheduling my road test sometime in April, taking it sometime in May. I fucking hate merging onto the highway, but so does everyone. Other than that, I don't mind highway driving, and I've been long resigned to city driving. I've been taking myself around, to Mel's house, to and from work, to the gym... I'm excited to be able to apply to jobs that require a driver's license, because while that would mean I'd need to buy a car (it's usually in-home training, direct care work, etc.), the jobs that would require it also pay enough that it would be a reasonable expense to buy a semi-decent used car for work.

2. Work. I'm looking. I don't hate my job right now -- on the contrary, while there are some really frustrating moments, in general, I enjoy it. So now is really the time to look, when I'm in the frame of mind where I am restless enough to be mentally willing to try something new, but emotionally stable enough to be selective, and to only apply to jobs that sound like a step up, instead of applying to anything because AT LEAST IT'S NOT THIS.

3. I need fanart -- good fanart -- of a.) true-form!Castiel, and b.) Ice King/Marceline (not in a romantic sense) from Adventure Time, because oh my God, I think I'm addicted to Adventure Time, and Ice King and MArceline just make me go A BLOO BLOO BLOO.

I just heard the dryer stop, which is my signal to go and fold clothes, because Lord knows I won't feel like it after the gym tomorrow. Enjoy what little remains of the weekend, everyone.
afterallthistime: (going to hell)
Wooow, so I haven't done one of these in a really long time. I've been pretty fandom active, too, I just haven't been on LJ. Anyway. I recently started Teen Wolf, and ARRRGH, I really like it, it's a huge, huge guilty pleasure and a lot of fun, and the whole cast is just adorable, waaah. I'm two episodes behind on SPN, and as soon as I finish Teen Wolf, I'm starting American Horror Story, and can someone tell me if it's seriously something I shouldn't be watching before bed?? I hear it's "gross," but no one will tell me what they mean by gross, IDK, because they're worried about ~spoilers? I don't care so much about that, though, so... if you watch it, give me your opinion.

Less than two months before the first con of the year for me, and then two months after that is the second, and if (big if) I have money, there MAY be something going on re: Tumblr-based fandom this summer, we'll see. Anyway, that's fandom in a nutshell??

For fellow fandom peoples, here's something I ripped shamelessly from Tumblr, you can do it, steal it, ignore it, whatever -- give me some letters, I'll answer. If you post it, I'll try to reciprocate.

A - Your current OTP
B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind
C - A pairing you have never liked and probably never will
D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t
E - Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what
F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom
G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it
H - Do you prefer characters from real action series or anime series
I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why
J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr
K - How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom
L - Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for
M - Your favorite fanart or fanartist
N - Your favorite fanfiction or fanauthor
O - Choose a song at random, which OTP does it remind you of
P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)
Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why
R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships
S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon
T - If you mostly have homoships, do you have any heteroships
U - If you mostly have heteroships, do you have any homoships
V - Are you one of those fans who can’t watch anything without shipping
W - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms
X - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms
Y - A fandom you’re in but have no ships from
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go

We just wrapped up finals at work, I have an easy-peasy day Monday that I'm going to mostly use to get some writing done, and I'm at my mom's house playing Quelf and it's so silly and fun and WOOO, weekend.

Hope things are awesome for you all xx
afterallthistime: (best yet to come)
So, I'm going to make a statement that most Supernatural fans were probably already aware of, but bear with me, because I am super, super new to the fandom:

Misha Collins is out of his fucking mind.

I know I have SPN fans, and (I'm pretty sure) even a few of Misha's Minions on my LJ Friends list. I have a few Misha-related question, specifically about GISWHES. Biggest among them is, what the fuck IS IT?

...Because I inadvertently signed up for a registration invite. And dammit, I kind of REALLY want to do it, because all the promo stuff I've seen for it is wild and fucking batshit crazy, and I want in on it. I just don't fucking know what it IS.

Was anyone involved in this last time around? What is involved? What can you tell me about Teams -- are you assigned to them? Do you you pick them? Do you have to be in the same geographical region as your teammates (i.e., can I find my team mates on LJ and Tumblr)??

Anything, guys. Anything at all you can tell me will be awesome.
afterallthistime: (what's my perversion?)
A total TL;DR about Wincest )

TL;DR: I ship incestuous pairings; no secret. But how I ship -- these, and any pairings -- differs and depends on any number of factors. Those of you involved in fandom (those of you who ship), are there certain scenarios, details, circumstances, tropes, etc. that either make or break a fic for you? Are all your pairings all about the porn, or do certain pairings have certain “rules” for what you will and will not allow in fic?

* “ cloying pet names”: I have to admit, despite saying this, I have a deep, deep soft spot for any time Dean calls Sam “Sammy,” or (especially) “baby boy.” I can’t abide any other pet names, though. Sorry.
afterallthistime: (Default)
Work tomorrow. I know I said I was excited about summer session, and I kind of am, but I loathe the first day of anything -- I create these horrible scenarios in my head and build up my incompetence in my mind until I'm basically like, "You are never going to be able to adequately handle the almost certainly inevitable clusterfuck that this experience will be!!" and the entire night before, I'm sleepless and anxious and hyperventilating and regretting every decision that ever lead me to this point in my life, and then I have to face the day, and -- usually it's fine, and even when it's not fine, it's only not fine for a while, and then things happen, dynamics shift, someone picks up the slack, and I get my head on properly and life goes on. I know this. This DOESN'T make the anticipation any easier.

So, yes, today is kind of an emotionally shitty day for me, but by tomorrow afternoon, I should be fine.

My husband celebrated his 26th birthday last night (though his birthday proper is today). It was a small gathering and we played this game called Twilight Imperium which, honestly, fuck all if I knew what the fuck was going on half the time. Jamie and I kept texting each other about ways to escape, which, as we had to assure Dan, was entirely about the game mechanics and not at all about the other players. It was a good, small group -- Andy's dad and brother for a while earlier in the day; his sister, who stuck around to stay the night; Jamie and Dan; and Dan (too many fucking Dans in our life...) Andy seemed to enjoy himself, and that's really the point of a birthday celebration, yes??

Yesterday was sort of doubly awesome because my Math Essentials professor was like, "As a last order of business" at like 1:30, and i was all, "FUCK YES, IF WE END NOW I CAN CATCH AN EARLIER TRAIN," and then proceeded to hold class until almost 2:10, at which point he was like, "You can be dismissed," and I was all **Jessica-shaped cloud of dust lingering comically in the doorway**, and fucking RAN to the Central Square T station, waited way too long for the Braintree T, got on, got completely disoriented at the Park Street station, waited FOREVER for a train to North Station that wasn't shoulder-to-shoulder packed, got to North Station at 2:33, bolted to the ticket counter where there was a fucking LINE AND A HALF, got ripped off at the automated ticket booth ($8.00, you fucking bastard son of a whore bitch), and ran to board the 2:45 train at 2:41 -- and I was fucking TRIUMPHANT, because I had a massive fucking headache, had had no caffeine, and had I NOT caught that train, the earliest train I could have then caught out of Boston was at 5:50. So, if summation, FUCK YES. I've got one more session of this class on the 21st, and that falls during the week that Piper will be staying with us, so Andy and she might just drive in to meet me when class ends and we'll go to late lunch/dinner somewhere local to class (I'm getting the sense that we might be out super, super early, and if that's the case, I'm just going to wander around Central Square for a while, because there are some really cool looking stores and cafes there that I haven't had the time to explore on my lunch breaks). I'm also becoming tempted to look up the cost of living somewhere like Central Square -- it's probably through the fucking roof, but I'm still curious. Living that much closer to Boston proper would open a whole slew of jobs up to me, and Andy's company is statewide, so he could very likely get a transfer (these are all just pipe dreams, of course, but I'm still going to look this shit up, because why not).

Because I got out of class so super early, though, and I couldn't in good conscience just NOT go home during Andy's birthday gathering when I totally had the opportunity to, I missed the Whovian cosplay picnic on the Common, which makes me kind of sad; the Boston Whovians seem to have a lot more members who actually live IN Boston, as opposed to the Sherlockians, who seem to be spread a bit more evenly throughout Massachusetts (and those who do live in Boston do so for school, so their free days and mine coincide more regularly -- for instance, the Whovians are like, 'hey, who wants to meet up next Wednesday?' and everyone goes 'YEAH SURE,' meanwhile the Sherlockians are like, 'So, three Saturdays from now, is that awesome for everyone? Everyone, yes? Yes?') The Boston Sherlockians are currently brainstorming renting out part of the Sommerville Theatre to do a private screening of some of Seasons One and/or Two of Sherlock, and if we got enough people to fill the theatre (it seats 31), we could do it for a pretty low cost for a pretty long time (marathon of Series Two, please?? NEED TO SEE... REICHENBACH... WITH PEOPLE... WHO SHARE MY FEELS....) I know we wanted to do an August meet-up, so I don't know if that will be it or not, but either way, hells yeah.

Other things to look forward to:

1. Piper is staying over for a week starting July 18th. Basically, our evenings will consist of she and I, in separate rooms, reblogging things on Tumblr, lol. I'd feel bad, but... that's what she does. And that's what I do. And so, yeah. That's what we'll do. It will be interesting to not have an empty house every night, though. And I might have folks over some of those nights, anyway.
2. Got a page of notes for my podcast. Want to talk Fifty Shades of Grey, and the vehement reaction Tumblr has had to it (including what the now public knowledge of FSoG originally being fanfic is affecting mainstream media's already skewed perception of participatory fans, and what fics, if any, deserved to be published in lieu of FSoG) -- I think it's an interesting direction to explore, especially because it's not like there isn't a precedent for published fanfic (some of it officially sanctioned, and some not), and this is the second time I can think of a Big Name Fan in a Big Name Fandom has becoming a published author (the first being, of course, Cassie Claire). Just need people with whom to hold this discussion.
3. Finished my first five pack of cards and started to set up my Etsy store. One card away from finishing my second five-pack/first themed five-pack.
4. I read the official break-down of the Burlesque classes I'm taking in August. Oh my God, you guys. The final lesson is "the Big Reveal" and "tassel twirling." I'M DYING, YOU GUYS. I GET TO WEAR FUCKING TASSELS, HOLY SHIT. I'M PISSING MYSELF.
5. I turn 30 in three weeks and that means 1. celebration, 2. tattoo (if I can psych myself up for it), 3. kitty!!

Also, holy shit, as I mentioned in my voice meme, I finally started watching Supernatural after meaning to for, like two years, and I know I said I'd give myself until halfway through the season before Wincest shipping, but -- I'm on episode eight, and I had a Wincest dream last night, and guys, there has to be something wrong with me, right? Like, I'm fine with that. I'm not out to change it, or be embarrassed or ashamed about it, but... there's still something wrong with me, right? Something gloriously, fabulously wrong.

Alright, I'm going to go. I'm feeling mega-sedentary and blergh today, so I'm going to text my brother and go for a walk. Peace, love, and pineapples, all.


afterallthistime: (Default)
we understand the lights.

May 2013

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