afterallthistime: (Default)
Let's talk about how much I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Or not. Yeah, no, let's not.

Last weekend I went to [community profile] muskratjamboree and it was epic, just as it was the last time. I tend towards the quiet, lurky side, since I've not been super vocal in fandom in the last several years, but I still love fan culture and hearing the last about what people are reading and watching and doing. I've picked up a lot of potential fandoms that may interest me, and had a great time basking on the aura of enthusiasm that everyone brought for their respective fandoms.

Mostly, it made me really want to create things again -- like, in terms of vidding or ficcing again, obviously, but also in a more general sense. Like, what excuse do I have -- what valid excuse do I have -- for not writing more, or for not doing more photomanips, or working on graphics so that I can actually get good enough to commit the images in my head to paper? Why am I not reading and critiquing more fic, or betaing anymore, or generating meta? Why am I pushing ideas aside as being too undeveloped or "out there" when I know I would get pleasure from writing them, and when I know, first hand, that there is an audience for everything, however brief, or meandering, or outlandish.

I feel like I am turning my back on a potentially welcoming community** out of a sense of inadequacy and this idea that I have nothing of value to offer, and that is just total bullshit. There are brilliant ideas out there that I am missing out on by not paying more attention to the community, and my own ideas are stagnating and dying because I never even give them a chance. I need to put the kibosh on that mode of thinking, yo.

Tomorrow starts the April round of Camp NaNoWriMo, and I'm hoping that lights the appropriate fire under my ass to start me writing again, because it's not so much that I have no ideas as it is that I never give myself permission to just write and not worry about quality or plot, and once I get started, I usually generate some decent stuff if I can keep it going long enough. Hoping to start on a collection of short fiction that I've been putting off committing to paper since, mmm, October, maybe??

**I'm referring specifically (in light of the con) to the fandom community, but in a broader and just as valid sense, I also mean the ~creative community in general. I enjoy making things, I enjoy crafting, and crocheting, and writing, but I don't make time for them any more. It's like -- work, gym, dinner, chores, internet, bed, everyday. THERE IS MORE TO ME THAN THAT, GODDAMNIT. I just need to... fucking reclaim it, man.

Meanwhile, this weekend I spent (with SIGNIFICANT help from Andy) getting the house clean, because SPRING, BITCHES. Wow, with two of us, we got basically EVERYTHING done in a day and a half, which is pretty epic, honestly. I still have to clean the tub and then my craft room (because, aha, the craft room is basically a dumping ground for whatever shit I've been working on -- or not working on -- and right now it contains:

1. a suitcase still half-full from MJ,
2. a stack of newspapers for a paper mache Loki helmet I am "supposed" to make for Anime Boston,
3. several blocks of Sculpey, a bunch of loose and disorganized jewelry posts and jump hooks, bottles of acrylic paint, and dozens of charms in various stages of completeness,
4. piles of clothing that no longer fit, strewn on both my desk chair and my dress makers dummy,
5. most of my collection of scrapbooking supplies, all over my desk, because... fuck you, that's why (no, I have no recollection of using them recently, I don't know how or why they're there)

but the craft room is closed off from the rest of the flat 99.9% of the time anyway, and I kind of regard it as a seperate entity, because I'm the only one who ever goes in there anyway. So while I DO want to get it cleaned and organized, it's not as much of a priority as the rest of the living space). This is a big deal, because it makes me feel like SOMETHING in my life is just, you know, DONE. Set. A-ok. In order. It means it's one less thing I have to feel anxious about, or to use as an excuse as to why I'm not doing X, Y, and Z instead of fretting about my living space or feeling overwhelmed by other obligations (also, everything smell like Fresh Water, and that's super nice, ahh...) We threw the windows open yesterday and tore down the curtains (to wash them), the the whole flat as full of fresh air and sunlight, and yeah... it feels like, if I had to wait for a time to start things over, this is it. This is the time to renew commitments to yourself.

Other things:

1. I've been driving. I know, wow. I'm hating it less. We're planning on scheduling my road test sometime in April, taking it sometime in May. I fucking hate merging onto the highway, but so does everyone. Other than that, I don't mind highway driving, and I've been long resigned to city driving. I've been taking myself around, to Mel's house, to and from work, to the gym... I'm excited to be able to apply to jobs that require a driver's license, because while that would mean I'd need to buy a car (it's usually in-home training, direct care work, etc.), the jobs that would require it also pay enough that it would be a reasonable expense to buy a semi-decent used car for work.

2. Work. I'm looking. I don't hate my job right now -- on the contrary, while there are some really frustrating moments, in general, I enjoy it. So now is really the time to look, when I'm in the frame of mind where I am restless enough to be mentally willing to try something new, but emotionally stable enough to be selective, and to only apply to jobs that sound like a step up, instead of applying to anything because AT LEAST IT'S NOT THIS.

3. I need fanart -- good fanart -- of a.) true-form!Castiel, and b.) Ice King/Marceline (not in a romantic sense) from Adventure Time, because oh my God, I think I'm addicted to Adventure Time, and Ice King and MArceline just make me go A BLOO BLOO BLOO.

I just heard the dryer stop, which is my signal to go and fold clothes, because Lord knows I won't feel like it after the gym tomorrow. Enjoy what little remains of the weekend, everyone.
afterallthistime: (lonely and morose)
I've been quiet. I apologize? The silence started because was busy and has continued thus because I'm feeling down. Not for any particualr reason, and not, like, depressed, just -- down. Sluggish. Disappointed with myself. Tired. I would bet money that a good chunk of it is the weather, and a side effect of the weather is that I haven't been going to the gym, which also makes me sluggish. I know once it warms up a bit I'll feel better, I always do. It's just a long road there, you know?

Speaking of working out, I want to change up my routine. Does anyone know a lot about working out, or know any communities, etc. where I can get some advice as to what I should be doing with regards to diet/exercise with my new fitness goals?

I'm on vacation until Feb. 25th. I managed to get all the laundry done today as well as the bedsheets and finally got the bathroom done (with help from my husband). I've been working on an About Me entry and a sort of Who's Who entry for LJ for my excursions to [ profile] add_me, and I've been working on my charms. These are the ones I've done in the last two days, charms based on sexual and gender identities and tangentially related such things: )

Hopefully I'll be in a more energetic/positive mood tomorrow. One can only hope.
afterallthistime: (nothing to say)
It's Sunday night, and I'm trying to write.

And by "trying to write," I mean "watching season four of The Simpsons and polishing off my second glass of moscato with Evernote open in a neglected tag on Google Chrome."

I did laundry today, and picked up a bit. Made four more charms, and FINALLY got all my original cupcake charms painted (still have five new ones to paint, once they dry). Did my nails (Sally Hansen's "Coral Reef," with two coats of Sally Hansen's Gem Crush in "Razzle Dazzler") and made homemade baked macaroni-and-cheese for dinner.

And now I'm trying to write.

I'd be lying if I said I was being ~productive, but I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't getting anything done. I have lots of notes, which were blank documents two days ago. I have a few lines (and in one case, a few paragraphs) written for my three active projects. I do keep returning to them and pecking out a few lines here and there. I just can't seem to focus on any one piece for longer than a few minutes. I'm not pushing it too hard tonight, because I have to go to work tomorrow, but there is literally nothing for me to do. I'm basically going in in case someone needs... something, I don't know. A scribe, a sub. Whatever. Tomorrow is technically still an exam day, so they can't schedule meetings or assemblies, but my kids has no exams and I'm a one-on-one, so there is really nothing for me to do. I just don't want to waste a sick day, or I'd totally call in. As it is, it gets me out of the house, ensures I can't boredom binge, and forces me into a situation where writing is really the only thing left to do (I really don't feel all that comfortable doing a whole lot of websurfing on my work network, even on my own laptop). Still, it's be nice to get something else done tonight.

I've been community surfing. I feel like doing something communal and collaborative, something creative and fun with a group of people, but sadly my own social circle IRL really only consists of about five people (I have other, situational specific friends, but my actual core circle is ridiculously small). I considered putting together an LJ community that would be ~private, just people I knew IRL or through various online channels, for, like, writing, or grousing about up being a grownup and shit, or whatever. I want somewhere online that is insular and supportive and collaborative in some way, someplace comfortable where I know all the people and there is a uniform and united purpose. I don't know. I'd like that in real life, too, but I think I can/would settled for it in virtual space.

Communities I Joined Today:

[ profile] add_a_writer
[ profile] spn_hurtcomfort
[ profile] fannish5

Any suggestions? I feel like every interest I search comes up dry when it comes to active communities.

I'm keeping an eye on [ profile] muskratjamboree, because I kind of sort or really want to co-mod a panel this year, but I've never done it and it would have to be something I either feel very strongly about or feel very, very comfortable talking about. So far, there have been a couple of panels proposed that I'd like to be involved with -- fanfic in a post-Fifty Shades of Gray world; Tumblr's effect on fandom; fandom in the age of social media -- but I have to really consider, like... what can I actually contribute? I've only actually been to two cons ever, and I still feel like kind of a newbie. I don't know, has anyone else modded/co-modded a panel and a con before, and if so, like... how did you prep, how did you collaborate, how "rehearsed" were you when you went in...? Any feedback MUCH appreciated, because, man, I REALLY want to do this, but I want to do it WELL.

I don't know what the point of any of this is, except I'm feeling excruciatingly restless tonight.
afterallthistime: (going to hell)
Wooow, so I haven't done one of these in a really long time. I've been pretty fandom active, too, I just haven't been on LJ. Anyway. I recently started Teen Wolf, and ARRRGH, I really like it, it's a huge, huge guilty pleasure and a lot of fun, and the whole cast is just adorable, waaah. I'm two episodes behind on SPN, and as soon as I finish Teen Wolf, I'm starting American Horror Story, and can someone tell me if it's seriously something I shouldn't be watching before bed?? I hear it's "gross," but no one will tell me what they mean by gross, IDK, because they're worried about ~spoilers? I don't care so much about that, though, so... if you watch it, give me your opinion.

Less than two months before the first con of the year for me, and then two months after that is the second, and if (big if) I have money, there MAY be something going on re: Tumblr-based fandom this summer, we'll see. Anyway, that's fandom in a nutshell??

For fellow fandom peoples, here's something I ripped shamelessly from Tumblr, you can do it, steal it, ignore it, whatever -- give me some letters, I'll answer. If you post it, I'll try to reciprocate.

A - Your current OTP
B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind
C - A pairing you have never liked and probably never will
D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t
E - Have you added anything stupid/cracky/hilarious to your fandom, if so, what
F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom
G - Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it
H - Do you prefer characters from real action series or anime series
I - Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why
J - Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr
K - How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom
L - Your favorite fanartist/author gives you one request, what do you ask for
M - Your favorite fanart or fanartist
N - Your favorite fanfiction or fanauthor
O - Choose a song at random, which OTP does it remind you of
P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)
Q - A ship you’ve abandoned and why
R - A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships
S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon
T - If you mostly have homoships, do you have any heteroships
U - If you mostly have heteroships, do you have any homoships
V - Are you one of those fans who can’t watch anything without shipping
W - 5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms
X - 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms
Y - A fandom you’re in but have no ships from
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go

We just wrapped up finals at work, I have an easy-peasy day Monday that I'm going to mostly use to get some writing done, and I'm at my mom's house playing Quelf and it's so silly and fun and WOOO, weekend.

Hope things are awesome for you all xx

Four notes.

Sep. 1st, 2012 10:17 pm
afterallthistime: (holy crap)
I've been feeling very lethaaaaargic and just "meh" lately, which isn't to say I've been feeling bad or down, per se, just not much in the blogging mood. Like, I haven't even been reblogging on Tumblr, and I usually do that like it's my motherfuckin' job or something.

Just a few notes:


1. I had my last class with the Babydolls on Thursday. I will be taking more classes with them, continuing with the burlesque education, but not this fall -- possibly in the winter or spring. The final class was boa work, removing a bra, and tassle-twirling. Frankly, there's really no way to twirl tassles without looking silly -- it's either jumping up and down and just letting everything bounce, or putting both arms straight up in the air, fingers pointed like guns, and shoulder-shimmying. Both ways are super fun and work, don't get me wrong, but silly as shit. It's one of those moves that strikes me very much as a classic burlesque move, and while I love, love, love watching classic burlesque (which is a lot of what the Babydolls do), it's not the kind of thing I see myself doing. I've been listening to my chosen music a lot lately, because my iPod's favorite setting is Infinite Repeat (1), and have been doing a lot of visualization as to what my performance would look like, from moves, to transitions, to strips and even costuming. It's classy, but not the strict kind of classic burlesque that seems suited to those kinds of maneuvers, and the latest song I've been thinking of performing too deviates even further from those routes -- "O Death," by Jen Titus.

I've been envisioning this one as well, but sadl, in the stage I'm at with it at the moment, it works best (in my mind) as a two person piece, and I don't know anyone else willing to practice this/perform this with me. Anyway, yeah -- tassle-twirling is easy-peasy, though not something I can see doing in any act I'd put together -- not to mention that even having gone from a double-D to a B, my breasts are still heavy enough that that kind of vigorous bouncing is kind of uncomfortable -- Evie (our instructor) has cute little A-cups, so it's not such a big deal for her, but it get's uncomfortable real fast if you're bigger. Also, removing pasties is uncomfortable, and the adhesive is kind of a bitch.

The Feast:

2. I went to The Feast of the Three Saints last night with my brother, Ryan, and Amanda. It's sad how every year the space the festivities occupy gets smaller and smaller... There was a time when it took up two blocks and the Common, and now it's a block at best, and no one comes to perform on the Common any more (we used to have a lot of old timers, older Italian singers and just older performers: the last few years before they stopped, I saw Frankie Valle, BJ Thomas, and Connie Francis). They had Beatle Juice performing on the St. Alfio stage last night, outside Holy Rosary, and they weren't bad, even though we didn't stay for too much of their set. I generally go to hang out in a festive atmosphere with my brother and friends -- stuff like the carnival games and even the majority of food has gotten, over the last few years, too damn expensive (and I've been burdened with more and more "real life" expenses). Last night I got two slices of Tripoli's pizza ($3.50, not bad) and an ice cream cone (fucking $6.00, are you fucking kidding?? But then, I should have fucking asked before I ordered. Still, what the shit. And that's common. That's, like, typical).

One of the upsides was running into Lance, who, despite having a Facebook, updates it so infrequently as for it to be all but meaningless for him to even have one. I know I've mentioned Lance here before, but as a quick recap, he's a friend who dates back to my brother's grade school days (he, like Rob and Andy both, is four years my junior), was out of the picture all through his high school years, and resurfaced shortly thereafter had a stint -- a pretty long stint -- of time where he practically lived with us, then had long stretches of time when we'd hear jackshit from him, and then he'd suddenly turn up again, seemingly out of nowhere. There was a rough patch of time, which was rough for reasons I don't feel comfortable going into at this juncture, about a year or two ago when he joined the military and was sent away to boot camp and communication basically fucking STOPPED. And for a while now, we had no idea where he was -- here (MA), Georgia (where base was), anywhere in between (they kept shipping him all over). Well, last night, he said he'd been trying to text me the last few days, but wasn't sure if I'd gotten them, because his carrier has been weird (I believe him, because my carrier did they EXACT same thing last year, where my texts were just sporadically never send or never arrive). He's living in Worcester now, which isn't exactly close, but it's closer than fucking Mansfield and Hopkinton, which were the two places he had been living before. He's living with a friend named Arianna that he apparently thought we might know (shrug) and dating a girl who, um, he introduced us to, but whose name already escapes me. She's a student at Brandeis, though, that I remember. He's going to be at the Corpus Christi Parish tonight and tomorrow night doing face-painting, so after we get back from Camelot tomorrow, we might swing by to see him.

The End of Summer:

3. I love the fall. Like, I really do. And I'm kind of excited about the school year, only because it kind of feels like a blank slates, which means a genuine opportunity for a crapload of awesome stuff (it also means chances that a crapload of utter shit will happen as well, but let's try to stay positive). But everything going on this fall -- I've got the 5k to run, my sister's bachelorette, my sister's wedding, Halloween, Wrathskellar, GISHWHES, Thanksgiving, apple-picking, registering for Anime Boston, registering for MJ -- like, I'm psyched. Seriously. But I kind of feel like I've wasted summer as a season -- today, TODAY, I finally went to the beach for the second time this summer. I live in freaking Massachusetts, people. I'm in a coastal state. I'm 35 minutes from the ocean. I have no excuse. So we went today for a few hours -- oh my GOD. I was sure that one of two things would happen -- the holiday weekend would mean that it would be overcrowded and parking costs would be sky high and it would be awful, or the sudden change over to September would mean it was freaking freezing and the place would be dead and awkward and sad. But actually? The weather was beautiful -- like, nice enough that I spent quite a while in the water -- all day parking was $5, and the beach was full but not crowded, and the rides both in and out were smooth and painless. Argh, such a gorgeous beach day. Between today and yesterday though, man, when I get back to the gym on Tuesday (we'll be out all day tomorrow and the gym is closed Labor Day), I will need it. But fuck it, it's my last hurrah, man, I'm going to enjoy it while I can.


4. I was contacted by a member of a team who wanted to recruit me, so we back-and-forthed messaged a bit, but two days later and I still haven't heard; meanwhile, her team leader has been reblogging a list of people on the team, and yeah... my name isn't on there. Now, the team members were all significantly younger than me (between 17 and college upper-classmen), so maybe they didn't want someone so much older than them, and they were all from the Southern US, so I don't necessarily regret if I don't make their team (having an international team gives you a BIG advantage), but I'd like to know so I can either 1. find another team on Tumblr, 2. recruit enough people to build my own team, or 3. prep myself for solo registration and being assigned to a team.

Also, I found last year's list of "items." It's like something borne out of a fever dream. So fucking bizzare. But I'm psyched. Oh, and holy shit, the prize?? We'd be flown out to Scotland to have a ghost hunt and slumber party at a haunted castle with our teammates and Misha. WTF. Absolutely every aspect of that appeals to me hardcore (my brother and I were fangirl/boying -- we wonder if it's Leap Castle?? That place is supposed to be ridiculously haunted). Super pumped.

PS: Oooh, I also meant to mention, still a little threadbare, but this is my new fandom merch store front. Buying from here, if you are likwise a fan of any of my fandoms, would be awesomesauce, thanks.
afterallthistime: (best yet to come)
So, I'm going to make a statement that most Supernatural fans were probably already aware of, but bear with me, because I am super, super new to the fandom:

Misha Collins is out of his fucking mind.

I know I have SPN fans, and (I'm pretty sure) even a few of Misha's Minions on my LJ Friends list. I have a few Misha-related question, specifically about GISWHES. Biggest among them is, what the fuck IS IT?

...Because I inadvertently signed up for a registration invite. And dammit, I kind of REALLY want to do it, because all the promo stuff I've seen for it is wild and fucking batshit crazy, and I want in on it. I just don't fucking know what it IS.

Was anyone involved in this last time around? What is involved? What can you tell me about Teams -- are you assigned to them? Do you you pick them? Do you have to be in the same geographical region as your teammates (i.e., can I find my team mates on LJ and Tumblr)??

Anything, guys. Anything at all you can tell me will be awesome.
afterallthistime: (i am human)

Yeah, so yesterday I did some puttering around the house and all was fine until around 4:30 when I decided to walk to the gym, and my knee started to feel... funny. Didn't really hurt, exactly, but felt like... you know how sometimes you get, like, air bubbles of whatever in your joints, like you just need to pop them? That happens to my knee with fair frequency, and usually the only fix is to walk it off, basically. So I walk to the gym, and while at the gym, I continue with my 5k routine. I'm on Week Seven of Eight -- run 1.5 miles, walk two minutes, repeat once. I run a 10.42 minute mile, but I decided to run 17 minutes for my 1.5 miles, just because it was an easier to pick a whole number than try to remember that I was running an extra 5.21 minutes, and besides which, the next step up is "Run 2 miles, walk 2 minutes," so I figured the closer I could managed to two miles this week (even if it's only marginally), the better.

On the first run through, my knee felt basically the same as it had, and then, right before I switched to the walking portion, it started to feel better, so I figured, problem solved. On the second leg of running, about seven minutes or so before cooldown, it started feeling weird again. I finished out my run and hit cooldown, and that's when it really started hurting. I finished out my regular weight routine, minus legs weights, and walked home -- my knees actually hurting at this point, but there was no one to call to get me, so tough shit, really. It's been bothering me ever since, and stairs are a real burden today. My mum was kind enough to lend me the brace, which does help a bit, but what really pisses me off was after a week of doing fuck all NOTHING physical, I finally manage to gather my willpower to get back on track, and I manage to incur an injury doing fuck all NOTHING, seriously. I'll lay off because I basically have to, because if I push too hard now, I'm just going to further incapacitate myself and possibly even do some real longterm damage, and while I'm not exactly renowned for my great life choices, I'm not a complete fucking idiot, either. The race isn't until September so it's not like I don't have plenty of recovery time AND training time still left, but this feels like a huge pain in the ass.

It's not even that I've been suffering huge set backs in terms of objective "evidence;" my weight has been holding fairly steady at around 141, which is the lowest I've been since, um, 7th grade? (The summer after 8th grade, when I had my physical before entering high school, my records say I was 148 lbs.). I have better stamina (shit, running 1.5 miles without stopping? Three years ago, carrying the groceries upstairs was reason enough for a time out while I got my breath back and recovered. When I started going to the gym, two minutes on the elliptical made me dizzy and prompted a ten to fifteen minute recovery period). I look at myself in the mirror in the morning, naked, and in generally, I'm fairly pleased with what I see (minus the saggy skin and the stretch marks, but I have a few specialized lotions that are supposed to help with those particular maladies -- and really, because the weight loss was so gradual, the saggy skin thing isn't AWFUL, but it's not great, either. And I'm almost resigned to the stretch marks; I've had them for basically my entire life, but if the lotion can help, even better). I'm happier with my appearance now than I ever have been. I'm proud of the headway I've made, I'm proud of the fact that I've stuck with this as long as I have, because for years (and years and years) I would embark on this journey and then throw up my hands and scream "FUCK THIS" every time an obstacle cropped up in my path. So why am I still so obsessed with this?

Because I am afraid that at any minute, that person -- the lie down and give up person -- is going to resurface, and I have to push extra hard to keep her at bay. I have to remain constantly conscious of where I am and what I am doing, because I am afraid that I am going to scream "FUCK IT" at any second and go back to the way things were. It's an equal battle, because I want to actually have a healthier attitude towards eating in general, and that means NOT being such a fucking "health" Nazi that I DON'T sometimes let myself skip a day of exercise (or two) or that I DON'T sometimes let myself eat a (reasonable) portion of ice cream, because for fuck's sake, indulgence in moderation is fine, it keeps us sane -- except when it drives us crazy. But I try to ride out the anxiety and the gult and hope that I can condition myself to accept that fact that this is okay, it's okay to not always be on guard, and that I am not going to become this unhealthy, sedentary person again just because I allow myself the luxuries that everyone else is allowed to have.

I think I'm less worried about actually gaining weight than I am worried that I'm going to fall back into bad habits, because my entire life has been a series of attempting things and (eventually) giving up, because they were to difficult, because I was not rewarded with immediate gratification, because "what the fuck is the point, anyway," because giving up was easier than trying and failing, etc. I want to know I can do something and stick with it, and despite proving to basically everyone else who isn't me that I obviously can do this -- and despite knowing, intellectually, that I have achieved this goal -- I instead instinctively wait for the other shoe to drop, because that has been my life, my entire life.

I'm reading a book about phobias -- Wish I Could be There: Notes from a Phobic Life -- and I just started it, only about 45 pages in. the author spends a lot of time talking about phobias being, often times, exaggerated versions of legitimate fears -- people who are hydrophobic, for instance, might be afraid of drowning, which is technically a possibility, but some hydrophobes won't even go near water, even water in which the possibility of drowning is practically non-existent (and frankly, it's a fair long-shot in general -- I can't swim, and can still go in a pool (if I lose balance, or feel "out of control" (weirdly enough, this includes being on a "floatie" or a raft!) I freak. the fuck. OUT) and have yet to drown... um, obviously). So, the "seed" of the fear might be legitimate, but the response to the fear is completely out of control.

But, like, what about fears that seem to come kind of out of nowhere? Like, that don't even HAVE a logical fear embedded somewhere in the exaggerated response? Because I can tell you two fears I have, one of which I will have a full on, phobic attack if confronted with, one of which I won't, but I will still freak out, and the thought of which makes me queasy and hugely uncomfortable.

The first one -- moths and butterflies. I'm PETRIFIED of moths and butterflies. I have a full on flailing, screaming, running for cover attack, heart palpitations galore if one gets near me. I loathe insects of all kinds, and have similar reactions to spiders (but, you know, so do a million other people), but not to flies, which is weird. I think something about the erratic ways butterflies and moths fly contribute to the freaking-me-the-fuck-out factor. I'm never quite sure which way they're going because they fly like they're stoned out of their fucking minds. I can't stand it. (My one consolation is apparently Karen Gillan is afraid f them too. That makes me feel a little better?)

The other not-quite-a-phobia-but-freaks-me-out people -- including, to a lesser extent, myself -- touching my belly button. Horrifies me. My husband had to touch inside my belly button for ~reasons~ a few months ago, and I was shaking and nearly in tears. It's awful.

There are other things that freak me out on a full-out phobic level, though the only one that comes to mind right now is heights -- and other things that just bother me on a level a notch or two down from phobia, like throwing up, getting injections, and eyeballs (watching people touch them, like putting in contacts, etc. makes me literally weak kneed and sick to my stomach).

Like, what ~legitimate fear~ exists as the root of any of that stuff??

Random other things that don't really warrant separate entries, so I'll just stick them here:

  • The Boston Babydolls' Wrathskellar has a one-day sale today for opening weekend tickets. If you've never seen the Babydolls and you're in the Boston area, here is my official endorsement (yeah, that's right. I approve. And my opinion carries a fuck-ton of merit). They've been performing Wrathskellar for a few years now and I've yet to go, so I'm glad they're offering the discount tix. Andy and I will be there on October 6th. (my burlesque instructor is a principal performer as well, so I'm quite excited to go, she's ridiculously cute).

  • Despite my injury, I registered for the Running Dead 5k this evening, before it filled up. Zombie reg. was already filled, which is what finally got my ass in gear. September 29th, 6:30 pm @ Gallows Hill Park in Salem, MA.

  • I'm going to check when "last call" for registration is, just so I don't use up any single month's discretionary budget on future endeavors (I'd like to have some cash on hand each month for spur-of-the-moment things), but so long as I can submit my registration in a reasonable amount of time, I'll be taking a four week vocal workshop at NECCO in November/December.

  • On Season Five of Supernatural, and someone posted a great thing to Tumblr the other day: "One does not like Supernatural. One simply hates themselves enough to allow their happiness to be permanently destroyed by Supernatural." OH GOD, IT'S ALL TRUE. (Also, I fell for the boys hard and fast, but HOLY FUCK, Misha Collins is a sexy beast).

  • Going to Dave & Buster's tomorrow with Andy, Piper and Josiah. Betting money that Josiah is going to stake out the Star Trek machine, cash in his tickets ever round, buy a fuck-ton of candy, and go on a massive sugar high. If there's something there he really, really wants, he may forego the sugar high for a bigger prize, but the rest of my prediction still stands. I will personally be staking out the Mega Stacker, bitches.

  • Avengers special features have been uploaded to Tumblr. Holy shit, is Steve's deleted scene depressing as hell. Oh, God. Also, Cobie Smulders during the gag reel ("COUUUULSOOOOOOOON! NOOOOOOO!") cracked me the fuck up.

  • I've been crocheting a cool forest green vine scarf which has been turning out super well, but which has been put on hiatus for a few days because I've been wearing fake nails (cause I'm a classy gal) and don't have the dexterity to crochet with them on.

  • Ordered 12 buttons -- slogan buttons, you know the kind -- with the money I earned on Zazzle from my fandom merch., and they are a pleasing mix of political, personal, and fannish -- and also completely cover my purse. I think I'm going to buy a messenger bag purse so the buttons can live comfortable on the shoulder strap and I can have one SANE bag to carry around to less "understanding" places.

  • I've started calling River "Honey Badger," because she doesn't give a fuck. Every time she gallops across the house, I yell, "HONEY BADGER DON'T CARE."

  • HOLY CRAP, that kid's movie, Paranorman, has an OPENLY GAY character, who is, apparently NOT a stereotype. That's....freaking AWESOME.

That's all for tonight, folks. Ja ne.
afterallthistime: (i am human)
So the theme of this week has essentially been, "things I was intending to do (and what I chose to do instead)." At the top of that list, perennially, is exercise, but as I was on my period (YOU ALL NEED TO KNOW THISSSS) and felt like utter shit, instead of exercise, I figured a suitable substitute would be eating like a fucking pig and hanging out with my girlfriends (which, actually, was time well spent and an endeavor I had, in fact, planned on undertaking, so -- props to me on that, I guess).

Had the girls over on Tuesday to watch movies and have dinner (a super casual, comfort food kind of dinner -- turkey burgers, fries, pasta salad, and booze) and to talk, because while I hate to be a stereotype, I have too admit -- get us together, and the fucking floodgates unleash. I hashed out with them a lot of the issues I've been meaning to discuss in here but CAN'T, either because I feel like I'm being super redundant ("seriously, who wants to hear me whine about X, Y, or Z any more?") or because I can't find the right words ("if I say that, no matter how many qualifiers or explanations I tag it with, I will sound like a massive fucking douche"), and those are things that aren't really an issue with my friends, because whatever I say, however douchey it might sound coming out, my friends hear the underlying intention, not just the words being spoken. I don't want to make it sound like I think you guys just aren't ~as inuitive~ as my friends or anything, but it's the difference between knowing me for a few months via sporadic text posts, or knowing my through every aspect and major change in my life for the last ten years. These people KNOW me. And I know that's sort of a double edged swrd, saying that, in that, you guys won't ever "know me" unless I TELL YOU these things, so I'm going to make it a point to actually try to write about the not always so pleasant or kind things that go throughb my head if you guys can make it a point that, when you comment (if you do, I never expect people to, not will I pressure you to - but IF you do) if you comment, you keep in mind that my intentions are never to hurt, judge, or persecute, and sometimes I will have emotional, knee-jerk reactions that I know are unfair or unkind (towards myself or other people), and that my expressing them does not mean I take them to be true, but that I am either venting, or trying to make sense of where these feelings come from in the first place.

...that was a tangent. Allow me to redirect.

Yesterday Andy, Mel and I went to Newburyport to window shop and eat delicious, delicious Thai food, and today my mum, dad, brother and I went to see Joce and Steve's new apartment. Honestly, I quite like it. I ENVY their kitchen -- oh, my God. Had you told me ten years ago I'd be the kind of woman to swoon over knick-knack shelves and amble counter space, I would have laughed in your fucking face, but man. She has the most spacious cabinets I
have ever seen in a kitchen that size, and these huge windows, and two rooms with gorgeous hardwood floors (which I have too, actually, in four of my rooms, but still), and it's a flat, so if they want to entertain, they actually have room to have all their guests ON THE SAME FLOOR (which was an issue in the duplex). What inevitably happens when I go to look at apartments with other people is I start obsessing over what I'd like to do with my own apartment, and I've currently got decoration and renovation on the brain and no budget with which to work, which isn't exactly an ideal situation by any stretch of the imagination, now, is it? Funds are going to be tight for the next couple of months, and there are about a dozen other things -- mostly conventions, let's be honest, but still -- that I really want to do, and should I ever HAVE to make the choice, I will chose the experiential over the material basically any day of the week. New candle holders and some framed prints might make me happy, but going to Anime Boston will make me happier, and I only have a finite amount of time to commit to doing that -- meanwhile, candle holders and framed prints aren't fucking going anywhere, ya dig?

And frankly, conventions of that magnitude -- i.e., the only large scale social gatherings that don't trigger panic attacks in me -- don't happen for me all that often. In 2013, I will have the opportunity to participate in possibly FOUR conventions, TWO at which I plan to lead/co-lead panels, and I am NOT going to pass up that chance. It's not easy for me to connect to people -- I need structure, an "opener," and fandom attracts the same type of people as me (we share a lot of personality traits) and gives me an "easy in," something to enjoy together while getting to know people.

(Also in October, we have my sister's bachelorette party, which is basically going to be her, us (her bridal party and girl friends) drinking ourselves silly and lounging by the heated indoor/outdoor hotel pool (also, vibrators. Lots and lots of vibrators)).

Despite all the things I'm excited about in the not-too-distant future, there's still a shit-ton of stuff I want to start working on in the next few weeks, before I start work again -- because I'm hoping if I can get things rolling now, before I have other commitments again, I will be more likely to continue the routine in September?? I guess, I mean, a lot of what I want to start doing doesn't have a definitive "end" point, or are fairly long term projects -- qI think I just need to forge a habit of devoting time to said endeavors, so that I have some steam built up behind them to get me over the massive emotional hill that is starting back up at work again (especially not know what the fuck I'm going to be doing).

I want to start working on things that I can find some satisfaction in, because I'm tired of trying to find my satisfaction in work. I am going to do my job to the best of my ability and make the most of it while I'm still here, but I need to find something meaningful or personally fulfilling completely separate from work, because it is totally unfair to me (and let's face it,to the kids) if I expect all my self-worth and satisfaction to hinge on that job). If that means writing projects, crafts, crocheting,running 5ks, blogging, or attending conventions, so be it, so long as it makes me happy.

(Slacking on comments again, I will be back tomorrow ♥)
afterallthistime: (Default)
After my workout today (I'm trying a new workout program for my cardio, 20 mins. of cardio at my regualr pace, and then also following a routine from Fitness Magazine designed to take you from being a "walker" to a "runner" in eight weeks), I called my brother, and we went for a walk up through the hiking trail by Holy Family. It's heavily wooded, and a little dark and damp this time of year, but it's still a cool place to hike, especially around here where there aren't a lot of great running/walking trails.

We've walked this trail a dozen times -- seriously, tons and tons of times. We must have been there just a week or so ago. About halfway through the walk this time, though, we noticed a ton of clusters of these bizarre flowers. Pale, milky white flowers, in tight clusters, thick stems, and solitary flowers. They were, for lack of a better word (or actually, since there is no better descriptor) -- eerie.

Rob wanted to take photos, but I didn't want to get super close to them (I don't know why, they were just... creepy looking), so instead, when we parted ways, he said he'd look them up.

Apparently, they are just creepy little parasitic flowers, called colloquially "ghost flowers," or "corpse flowers" -- monotropa uniflora.

It's parasitic, grows in the dark, and has absolutely no chlorophyll.

I don't know, I thought it was kind of cool.

Replies and comments tomorrow, and more about work (in a nutshell: it went well!) Right now tea, painting my nails, and watching more "Supernatural."

'Night everyone
afterallthistime: (Default)
Work tomorrow. I know I said I was excited about summer session, and I kind of am, but I loathe the first day of anything -- I create these horrible scenarios in my head and build up my incompetence in my mind until I'm basically like, "You are never going to be able to adequately handle the almost certainly inevitable clusterfuck that this experience will be!!" and the entire night before, I'm sleepless and anxious and hyperventilating and regretting every decision that ever lead me to this point in my life, and then I have to face the day, and -- usually it's fine, and even when it's not fine, it's only not fine for a while, and then things happen, dynamics shift, someone picks up the slack, and I get my head on properly and life goes on. I know this. This DOESN'T make the anticipation any easier.

So, yes, today is kind of an emotionally shitty day for me, but by tomorrow afternoon, I should be fine.

My husband celebrated his 26th birthday last night (though his birthday proper is today). It was a small gathering and we played this game called Twilight Imperium which, honestly, fuck all if I knew what the fuck was going on half the time. Jamie and I kept texting each other about ways to escape, which, as we had to assure Dan, was entirely about the game mechanics and not at all about the other players. It was a good, small group -- Andy's dad and brother for a while earlier in the day; his sister, who stuck around to stay the night; Jamie and Dan; and Dan (too many fucking Dans in our life...) Andy seemed to enjoy himself, and that's really the point of a birthday celebration, yes??

Yesterday was sort of doubly awesome because my Math Essentials professor was like, "As a last order of business" at like 1:30, and i was all, "FUCK YES, IF WE END NOW I CAN CATCH AN EARLIER TRAIN," and then proceeded to hold class until almost 2:10, at which point he was like, "You can be dismissed," and I was all **Jessica-shaped cloud of dust lingering comically in the doorway**, and fucking RAN to the Central Square T station, waited way too long for the Braintree T, got on, got completely disoriented at the Park Street station, waited FOREVER for a train to North Station that wasn't shoulder-to-shoulder packed, got to North Station at 2:33, bolted to the ticket counter where there was a fucking LINE AND A HALF, got ripped off at the automated ticket booth ($8.00, you fucking bastard son of a whore bitch), and ran to board the 2:45 train at 2:41 -- and I was fucking TRIUMPHANT, because I had a massive fucking headache, had had no caffeine, and had I NOT caught that train, the earliest train I could have then caught out of Boston was at 5:50. So, if summation, FUCK YES. I've got one more session of this class on the 21st, and that falls during the week that Piper will be staying with us, so Andy and she might just drive in to meet me when class ends and we'll go to late lunch/dinner somewhere local to class (I'm getting the sense that we might be out super, super early, and if that's the case, I'm just going to wander around Central Square for a while, because there are some really cool looking stores and cafes there that I haven't had the time to explore on my lunch breaks). I'm also becoming tempted to look up the cost of living somewhere like Central Square -- it's probably through the fucking roof, but I'm still curious. Living that much closer to Boston proper would open a whole slew of jobs up to me, and Andy's company is statewide, so he could very likely get a transfer (these are all just pipe dreams, of course, but I'm still going to look this shit up, because why not).

Because I got out of class so super early, though, and I couldn't in good conscience just NOT go home during Andy's birthday gathering when I totally had the opportunity to, I missed the Whovian cosplay picnic on the Common, which makes me kind of sad; the Boston Whovians seem to have a lot more members who actually live IN Boston, as opposed to the Sherlockians, who seem to be spread a bit more evenly throughout Massachusetts (and those who do live in Boston do so for school, so their free days and mine coincide more regularly -- for instance, the Whovians are like, 'hey, who wants to meet up next Wednesday?' and everyone goes 'YEAH SURE,' meanwhile the Sherlockians are like, 'So, three Saturdays from now, is that awesome for everyone? Everyone, yes? Yes?') The Boston Sherlockians are currently brainstorming renting out part of the Sommerville Theatre to do a private screening of some of Seasons One and/or Two of Sherlock, and if we got enough people to fill the theatre (it seats 31), we could do it for a pretty low cost for a pretty long time (marathon of Series Two, please?? NEED TO SEE... REICHENBACH... WITH PEOPLE... WHO SHARE MY FEELS....) I know we wanted to do an August meet-up, so I don't know if that will be it or not, but either way, hells yeah.

Other things to look forward to:

1. Piper is staying over for a week starting July 18th. Basically, our evenings will consist of she and I, in separate rooms, reblogging things on Tumblr, lol. I'd feel bad, but... that's what she does. And that's what I do. And so, yeah. That's what we'll do. It will be interesting to not have an empty house every night, though. And I might have folks over some of those nights, anyway.
2. Got a page of notes for my podcast. Want to talk Fifty Shades of Grey, and the vehement reaction Tumblr has had to it (including what the now public knowledge of FSoG originally being fanfic is affecting mainstream media's already skewed perception of participatory fans, and what fics, if any, deserved to be published in lieu of FSoG) -- I think it's an interesting direction to explore, especially because it's not like there isn't a precedent for published fanfic (some of it officially sanctioned, and some not), and this is the second time I can think of a Big Name Fan in a Big Name Fandom has becoming a published author (the first being, of course, Cassie Claire). Just need people with whom to hold this discussion.
3. Finished my first five pack of cards and started to set up my Etsy store. One card away from finishing my second five-pack/first themed five-pack.
4. I read the official break-down of the Burlesque classes I'm taking in August. Oh my God, you guys. The final lesson is "the Big Reveal" and "tassel twirling." I'M DYING, YOU GUYS. I GET TO WEAR FUCKING TASSELS, HOLY SHIT. I'M PISSING MYSELF.
5. I turn 30 in three weeks and that means 1. celebration, 2. tattoo (if I can psych myself up for it), 3. kitty!!

Also, holy shit, as I mentioned in my voice meme, I finally started watching Supernatural after meaning to for, like two years, and I know I said I'd give myself until halfway through the season before Wincest shipping, but -- I'm on episode eight, and I had a Wincest dream last night, and guys, there has to be something wrong with me, right? Like, I'm fine with that. I'm not out to change it, or be embarrassed or ashamed about it, but... there's still something wrong with me, right? Something gloriously, fabulously wrong.

Alright, I'm going to go. I'm feeling mega-sedentary and blergh today, so I'm going to text my brother and go for a walk. Peace, love, and pineapples, all.
afterallthistime: (Default)
So here is an entirely self-indulgent entry of things that should make me feel better, however insignificant:

1. Annual review for my one-on-one moved up to Tuesday, and after talking with the SLP, we both agree he doesn't need a one-on-one anymore -- and our department head was heading up the meeting this discussion transpired at, so I will probably not be with him next year at all.
1a. One-on-one has signed up for an AP class, which is something new, different, and challenging for him (he was recommended for, like, four AP classes, but taking one is a HUGE step for him.
1b. Listening to him talk to other kids just... kills me. Do you know how something can be heartbreaking in a good way? Like, it pulls you apart, but because it's so adorable? He will never be a social butterfly, but by God, he is learning how to be functionally social, and he is so damn cute. I just look at him and I'm like, "you know, you might actually just be okay."

2. Five days of classes left.

3. Summer program reunites me with the ENTIRE staff from last year, and I honestly COULD NOT be happier with that arrangement.

4. I love my coworkers. I know that's sort of startlingly all of a sudden and... vague. But I was at lunch on Friday just, like, actually TALKING with a few of them, and I realized that I've been more social and talkative with them this year because I've actually HAD lunches in the breakroom (my first year with my one-on-one I had lunches with him,and prior to that, I had lunch in LC with my "fanclub," lol), and despite most of them being old enough to be my parents (NOT an exaggeration) they are mostly just really cool and I like talking to them, and whatever else I can say about where I am, I am surrounded by good, good people.

5. I have inspiration for a fanfic for the first time in, like, ever. I'm actually going to seriously try to write it, too. For realsies. If it sucks, I won't publish it. But I'm going to be self-indulgent and write a fic I'd want to read, then set it aside, and then, if I still don't hate it, publish it. And I have a beta reader, too ;)

6. A few sparks (not fully formed, but there) for original fic as well. Excited.

7. The house is not clean, but it's manageable.

8. One week to the "Frankenstein" screening and meet-up!!

9. Thinking of being naughty and being "sick" Monday because two of the other assistants have already used up their days and then some, and I still have 39 days in my sick bank. I know it's not like, "ohh, I have them so let's waste them all," but seriously? Thirty-fucking-nine, y'all. If some of my co-workers have already used and surpassed their limits, I shouldn't feel bad about dipping into my reserve of fucking 39 sick days. ESPECIALLY when I'm going to take the initiative to email ahead and be like, "here are my special duties," and we're weaning my one-on-one off me anyway, so hey, good practice.

10. ....I FIT INTO A SIZE 10 JEANS, Y'ALL. You know the last time I was a Size 10? 6th grade, I fucking kid you not.

11. I still have most of my June budget to spend on what-the-fuck-ever.

12. I'm not pregnant!

13. I haven't been to the gym in two weeks, but my weight had stayed completely stable -- like seriously, not an OUNCE up or down during my weekly weigh-ins. I know I still need to get back on track, but hey, at least I'm not moving backwards (147 lbs., btw). I attribute this to several long walks (like, long long, like five to eight miles) at least twice a week and watching my diet.

14. Mum and I have vague, free-floating movie dates (she still wants to see The Avengers (would be the 3rd time for me) and we both want to see Snow White and the Huntsman), and I can actually afford both of them.

Hope you all are having a pleasant weekend, I am drunk and sleepy, so I will be going and hopefully feel better in the morning. Cheers.
afterallthistime: (Default)
If I can't update it with minimal frustration from my Droid, I haven't been updating it (social networking sites, that is).

My life has managed to slip completely out of my control. I'm busy trying to remedy this. Meanwhile, I've been neglecting all but the necessities.

Had a bunch of things I wanted to talk about, but with a lesson plan due for class tomorrow and only a couple of hours before I need to at least TRY to get some sleep, that will not be happening tonight. Anything of particular depth will not be happening here for a while, sadly.

Sooo... I guess if you want details on any of these things, ask and I'll elaborate upon them, but in lieu of that, maybe this weekend I'll have the time/energy for some kind of legitimate update.

In Real Life:

1. We had our oldest cat put down. He was thirteen, and rather rotund, to put it mildly. He had started losing weight, but we attributed it to age and a change in eating habits (which animals, like people, go through), and because he was so heavy, he was still a perfectly respectably and healthy weight by the time anyone noticed and became concerned, and really, we only noticed then because he had stopped eating for several days... it turns out he had a mass in his abdomen and liver failure, so the vet thought it would be the best thing to do. Mum took it hard, and I felt worse than I thought I would, being that I haven't lived with the cat in a year and a half... that's the second time an animal walked out of our house and never walked back in when we had fully expected him to.

2. Andy and I bought a new car -- as in a new new car, a 2012 Nissan Versa. I never in my life owned a new car, and never thought I'd be able to afford one, but this was a good deal, and we (right now) only have to make some adjustments to our monthly spending and we should be fine (there goes my summer off, though. Siiigh).

3. Got massively drunk on St. Patrick's Day at the bars with the girls, and afterwards playing Never Have I Ever with Melissa. I need to keep in mind that while drinking alcohol, carbonated drinks always make me wretch long before alcohol will. Fucking stupid inability-to-belch weird ass anatomy. Spent the next day watching TV in bed and refueling with VitaminWater. some of those flavors are ass-nasty, BTW.

4. Had the meeting I had been dreading for no reason (even by my own admission), and it went splendidly, la-dee-da-dee-da.

5. Saw Les Miserables at the Boston Opera House on Saturday, and it opened a veritable floodgate of emotion and memory. That was my first fandom wherein I had "real life" counterparts in my sister and my cousin, and "obsessed" doesn't even begin to cover it. Between the show itself (the Finale will never, NEVER not make my cry like a fucking baby) and the memories it brought back, I had an amazing time. The settings and staging has been revamped, and it was beautiful -- "Javert's Suicide," how do you even...?!? ASDFGHJKL...!

6. Brought up summer clothes during the unseasonable warm streak, and they are no sitting (washed and folded) in the living room, waiting for me to get the motivation to clear out the winter clothes (which I now suddenly need again - fuck you, New England weather). Tried on all my summer clothes when I brought them up and had to get rid of almost all of the pants, skirts, and shorts -- witht he exception of two pairs, which were too-small hand-me-downs my grandfather gave my years ago. So, one of the local thrift stores will be getting several industrial garbage bag-sized donations of size 20 shorts soon.

7. Signed up for the Walk for Hunger. I'll probably make a separate post over the weekend with the donation link, in case anyone is feeling generous.


1. Made a conscious decision to step away from the Sherlock fandom temporarily because of excess amounts of the crazy, and because I know we are in for another long haul (another 18 months, or thereabouts), and I figure if I pull myself away now, and throw myself back in, say, when I'm indoctrinating my sister showing it to my sister, then stepping away from it until Series Two shows up on PBS, etc. I'm less likely to burn out on it entirely (especially when the fandom -- awesome though it can be -- is also so fucking exhausting). I WILL still be going to the meet-ups, though, because those are awesome funtimes and I will NEVER pass up an opportunity to meet fans IRL.

2. Everyone has seen Legend of Korra but me :( I want to set aside some time to watch the leaked episodes, especially because THE ANIMATION, OMG ♥ ♥ ♥, but I'm also currently rewatching The Last Airbender, and making the mental adjustment to the idea that, basically, all the character I love from the original series are now dead is hard to do... while I'm right in the midst of the original series. So I'll probably wait until we've finsihed the rewatch. (ETA: I'm hearing that KorraNation has removed the leaked episodes. DAMMIT! BUT... I'm also seeing Tweets from Dante Basco, who is in the recording studio working on Korra, so... OMG ZUKO????)

3. Speaking of stepping away from fandoms, in the absence of Sherlock, I have been reacquainting myself with Avatar (as noted above), and early seasons of Psych, and have discovered an unhealthy adoration for Zukka fic (Sokka and Zuko are probably my favorite characters, and Zuko is so adorkably awkward, how can you not love it), and Daddy!kink Shawn/Lassiter stories, of which there are, like, three in existence, WTF?

Life goes on, the world keeps turning, and at some point, I will make this LJ a priority in my life again, because dammit, I honest-to-God miss it.
afterallthistime: (what's my perversion?)
first round and probably the last round, most likely. Anyway. Asked by [ profile] guru_in_drag:

4. A hobby you “don’t get”.
I don't know if it's officially a "hobby," but I never got Capslockers. I really don't get it. And I don't mean people who sometimes OMG YOU GUYS. No, I mean the whole "capslock" sub-culture (I guess?) Completely beyond my realm of comprehension. Also fantasy sports anything, I just don't understand. Power walking, oh God, I have no clue what's going on there. I love taking walks, I love walking, like jogging/running, I don't understand the appeal of walking so that it looks like you are actively trying not to shit your pants. I mean, to each his own, if it makes you happy and it isn't hurting anyone else, cool... but I don't pretend to see the appeal in it myself.

5. A habit you find disgusting.
Skin-picking. Ugh. And I don't mean, locked-in-the-bathroom-while-pursuing-my- morning-ritual, oh-God-what's-this-on-my-face, kind of guerilla grooming. I've done that too, I'm sure everyone has. I mean just sitting around, in public (like on subway or in a classroom or waiting room) just randomly picking at pimples of blemishes on your arms, legs, face, etc. It just makes me really uncomfortable. Oh, and people who use public restrooms and leave the seat protectors on the floor, or who use paper towels to open the doors and then leave those on the floor, or who don't wipe the fucking seat after they fucking pee on it (ladies, for real??? How are you missing??)

12. Television programs you love but have gotten shit for liking.
Oh, I used to get so much crap from people for watching American Idol the way I did during season two, which was, um, religiously. I (and my sister, and my friend Mel, and to a lesser extent my mom and my friend Amanda) were obsessed with Clay Aiken. And no, we weren't those batshit crazy women who thought he was a virginal Christ figure sent to us by God -- we were the batshit crazy women who thought he was having a gay love affair with Ryan Seacrest and/or John Dahlstrom and was sent to us to destroy our ovaries through the gift of song. Looking back, I kind of cringe at that time period anyway, because, oh God - like, I still, and always will, think Clay has an INCREDIBLE voice (because he does) - but that was just a sort of "what the hell were we on?" kind of time. Because when I fangirl someone or something, I fangirl hard, but I can usually look back and tell you why (besides thinking he had a great voice, because lots of people have great voices). But in his case... I have no clue (FYI, I still like Clay, and I had a ton of fun in the fandom - until I didn't. but that's another story (thanks, Angelwingers. Grr.)) Um, wow. Okay. Deviated from the question at hand a bit. Um, other shows...? I got "crap" from a slew of my Sophomore and Junior boys years back because I watched Family Guy and South Park and they wanted to know why, and "what was wrong with me," because "girls don't watch those shows." So that was fun. Little punks. Oh, also, Community. Mostly there seems to be this huge rivalry between BBT fans and Community fans, but I've had some people just really look down their noses at the show, and I'm pretty convinced it's just because they don't understand the humor.

13. Musical artists you love but have gotten shit for liking.
In middle school, I got a ton of shit for listening to Queen, again, obsessively (because when I go, I go all out, bitches). Everyone else listened to hip-hop and rap - which I'm not saying as either a good or bad thing; I like a little bit of rap, and I like some hip-hop. But this was during that phase of life where if you're not listening to what everyone else is listening to, you're kind of weird, and what's wrong with you?? Oh, and Ricky Martin! It was so divisive to say you were a Ricky Martin fan for a while, but I genuinely, honestly liked his music, especially his Spanish music - they were just very enjoyable mainstream pop songs, nothing special, but enjoyable. Recently, I feel like I get crap from sort of a vaguer, wider community (particularly online) for liking Lady GaGa.

19. A celebrity crush that maybe even you don’t understand.
Steve Buscemi. Like whoa. Back in 2005, I devoured something like a dozen Buscemi movies over the course of, like, three weeks, and was just madly, ridiculously infatuated/attracted to him. To the point of making picspam posts to my (old) LJ, co- founding a community (which was actually active for a little while, and then promptly died). I don't feel that kind of intense... er, feeling for him anymore, but if I catch anything with Buscemi in it, I still feel a little giddy (which is great, cause Buscemi is kind of in everything). I know he gets crap for being like, this quintessentially unattractive man, but I just never saw it like that - I saw him as being quirky, charmingly flawed, but never ugly. The one great thing about my long dead community is that it made me realize there were other women who basically felt exactly the same way, and that was pretty cool.
afterallthistime: (smart funny beautiful)
This was floating around Tumblr, and it looked interesting, but my Tumblog is "Fandom Only," so I thought I'd pop it up here.  

Give me some numbers, steal it, whatever.  I just thought it'd be fun to try out, if others were interested.

Real updates to come this weekend.  I've been dead on my feet all week.


Unpopular Opinions Meme

1. A selection of television programs you do not care for.
2. A selection of musical artists you do not care for. 
3. A selection of celebrities you couldn’t care less about.
4. A hobby you “don’t get”.
5. A habit you find disgusting.
6. Something in school you really liked doing that everyone else hated.
7. Your favorite household chore.
8. Popular video games that make you go “meh”.
9. PC or MAC?
10. A sport you don’t like, for whatever reason.
11. A sport you really like, for whatever reason.
12. Television programs you love but have gotten shit for liking.
13. Musical artists you love but have gotten shit for liking.
14. A hobby you have/find interesting that other people bother you over/make fun of.
15. A habit you have that other people bug you over.
16. Something in school you hating doing and it felt like everyone else loved.
17. The household chore that makes you want to shoot your own face off.
18. A selection of video games that you enjoy that perhaps you really shouldn’t.
19. A celebrity crush that maybe even you don’t understand.
20. Free rant on whatever grinds your gears at the moment.
afterallthistime: (Default)
Before I launch into the nostalgia-fest:

Oh my God, you guys. Oh my God. Guess what we're getting? Click! )

So I spent a big chunk of the night at my parent's house hanging out; we watched Ellen and Family Guy and I spent way too long on Wikipedia. I got distracted looking at entries for old shows on Nickelodeon. I read up on UPick with Stick Stickley, TeenNICK, SNICK - oh God, apparently the SNICK line-up I remember most vividly was apparently the very first one, and one that only existed for the first two years of the block's run, but it totally defined my Saturday nights for me between the ages of ten and twelve - Clarissa Explains it All, Roundhouse, Ren & Stimpy, and Are You Afraid of the Dark?

Ren & Stimpy is one of those shows that I've since seen, and while a lot of it sort of makes me go, "Seriously, was I fucking on crack?," there are bits that still make me laugh, or episodes I can still quote verbatim (i.e., the ENTIRE "Space Madness" episode - "They think I'm crazy, but I know better. It is not I who am crazy, it is I who am mad!... Oh my beloved ice cream bar! How I love to lick your creamy center!!") More so than that, though, I recall it most clearly as the background noise for basically every night I spent with my sister, brother, and our cousins Jeff and Nikki, who came to the house almost every Saturday night, and whose visits were often the highlight of the week. We've since grown apart from both of them (for various reasons, though we still occassionally communicate with Nikki), but for years, that was our routine - they'd come over and either my dad would make pizza or we'd order out, and then we'd watch SNICK (Nikki at the time was between six and eight and would always book it to play something else with Joce and Rob when Are You Afraid of the Dark? came on, because it scared her, so for that show it was usually just Jeff and I) and stay up to ungoldy hours (or so it seemed... looking back it was probably like, 1 am or something) goofing off and playing games -- for some reason, vague recollections of Mall Madness and Dream Phone feature heavily in my memories (Dream Phone - the guy my sister and I thought was the cutest was named Steve - 555-9999. Oh my God, the fact that I remember that kind of makes me hate myself).

Of course, everyone remembers Clarissa (who grew up as a young girl in the early 90s), but I almost never hear people talk about Roundhouse, which was a musical/sketch show the Nick had... it was a lot more cohesive and less goofy (cheesy, but not as "goofy") as All That would be, and it was a lot less cynical and less about gross-out humor than You Can't Do That on Television was. I loved that show. In my travels, I found a website dedicated to it - like, a bizarrely comprehensive website, actually, called Easychair Expressway. I'm looking back at the song section - sadly, no media, but all the lyrics, and oh my Godddddd, so cheesy. But it was deliciously cheesy.

Apparently a bunch of these shows have been showcased at various time on something called The 90s Were All That, which I guess airs/aired on Nick at like, midnight or one am?? I of course don't get Nick (hell, I don't get any television), so I haven't been able to verify this, but uuuugh, I want to see these shows again. I'm kind of a nostalgia whore.

There were so many other shows that they listed that I completely forgot about until I saw them on the schedule - The Secret World of Alex Mac, The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo (which I remember my sister liking, like, a lot?), The Adventures of Pete and Pete.

Someone needs to get this stuff on DVD, um, now.
afterallthistime: (Default)
♥ You all know that I'm doing hand-made gifts for Christmas this year. Well, this has lead me to do all sorts of crafting I'd never done before, including things like decoupage and candlemaking. One of the most fun and interesting ones was for my dad - jam-making. I'd never attempted home-made jam before, but it was fun, relatively easy, and the jam is really good (blueberry, for those wondering). I may write a seperate entry about it later (I've been not-so-good about the blogging of my culinary aventures (sad-face)).

♥ I saw Game of Shadows on Saturday, and it was the gayest movie I'd seen all year, I swear to God. The entire scene in the train compartment ("Lie down with me, Watson," are you friggin' kidding me??) was, ohh, what's that quote? "Gayer than a treeful of monkey on nitrous oxide," yeah, that about covers it. I know there's an RPF fandom, and I have to back away slowly, because I am this close to tinhatting it like crazy.

♥ After holding out on us for-ev-er, Gatiss and Moffat decided to release a couple of utterly beautiful clips/preview of Sherlock Season 2. You HAVE to check them out. Benedict. A bedsheet. Skype. That's all I'm saying. I downloaded TunnelBear (and Tweeted for extra bandwith!) so I can livestream the show from BBC's iPlayer on January 1st.

♥ Started watching Merlin (five episodes in). I like it! Colin Morgan is super adorable, and it's a fun show, though (As much as I love Anthony Head) I find myself wanting to punch Uther in the throat several times per episode. I realize this is likely an over-reaction borne of me being a violent person (and also, me being frustrated, because I've been watching while crocheting a scarf for my father and I am feeling rushed and a wee bit stressed YES I LEFT IT TO THE LAST MINUTE, I WASN'T SURE WHAT ELSE TO DO FOR HIM).

♥ I kind of really want to do a rewatch of the early seasons of House, back when House was House - when Cuddy was badass, when the ducklings were Chase, Cameron, and Foreman (and I knew EXACTLY how I felt about each of them), and when House and Wilson had the most epic bromance on TV. I miss it, and I miss the fandom :(

♥ Need suggestions on what to bring a.) to Camelot for Christmas Eve and b.) to my folk's house for Christmas day. I feel like Camelot would be more a desert-y type dish and my folk's would call more for a side-dish (since Joce can handle dessert, and I don't hold a candle to her in that department).

♥ Noticed I got a lot of new followers over the last few days, many of whom I (uncharacteristically) followed even though I wasn't messaged (I like to know about my LJ friends, I had FAR too many "friends" on my old journal with whom I had nothing in common and never communicated with. I'm trying to not repeat that). Could those of you who added me in the last week please comment or send me a message telling me a little about yourselves and why you added me? Thanks!


afterallthistime: (Default)
we understand the lights.

May 2013

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