Just keep going.

[afterallthistime]

I think it's funny -- not "ha ha" funy, but kind of ironic funny -- how much of a concious effort it is not to over-think while I'm attempting to write. Like, I have to focus really hard to avoid over-focusing? It's bizarre. But it's kind of sort of working, maybe? I don't know. I haven't written in ages. I'm trying to finish up the collection of twenty sestinas so I can publish elegance/animal and maybe move on to trying another form, because I love writing, but -- as has been previously stated -- am incapable of doing so (for the most part, with exceptions) without some kind of structure. There's this awesome resource at The Word Shop that has a listing of a slew of poerty forms, and I am itching to try some of them out. I've played around with a lot of forms, but it's a goal of mine to try to write at least one piece in every form listed there. Bizarre and oddly specific, yes. But we all have our goals and dreams, right?


It occurs to me that despite writing fairly extensively about my 2012 Busket List, I never posted it. I suppose now is as good of a time as any. I'll probably posted it as a seperate, backdated entry as well so that I can more easily reference it in the future, when I add things to it or complete goals. But anyway, for now, here it is, as of 2/4/12:

1. Produce a serialized podcast


2. Self-publish a book of poetry


3. Earn money from fandom merchandise


4. Get down to 140 lbs.


5. Read 5 books a month


6. Register for at least one convention


7. Host/co-host/participate in a Meet-up


8. Study my Spanish


9. Get a library card


10. Get my license


11. Devote an hour each day to writing


12. Keep pen and paper journals


13. Complete the 52 Projects


14. Be active in 1001 Journals


15. Write fan letters to those people I fangirl over


16. But art from Society6/Etsy/etc.


17. Launch a travelling journal


18. Complete my degree


19. Find a new job


20. Use Hubpages actively


21. Do at least 5 "cultural" things in 2012


22. Tattoo for my 30th birthday


23. Write a popular piece of fanfic/meme/etc.


24. Take burlesque classes/work more with burlesque troupes


25. Meet new people


26. Join or start a book group


27. Start work on a YA novel


28. Take a vocal workshop


29. Sell something at acraft fair


30. Donate clothing to a thrift store


31. Crochet an afghan


32. Get the house organized


33. Get my hair cut/styled


34. Look awesome in a bikini


35. Meet-up with some LJ/Facebook/Tumblr friends


36. Cook at least 3 "real" recipes over my two vacays


37. Get a decent webcam


38. Become a better photographer


39. Write down five to ten things everyday that make me happy

Keeping in mind, unless the entry specifically says so, these are NOT things I intend to necessarily complete in 2012, just things I want to work towards. Progress, however slow going, is progress; I don't need to cross the finish line to feel satisfied, I need only not stand still.

I'm nearly there with the poetry book. Seriously. I finish these three or four poems, and I have the book done; after that it's just designing and compiling it. I have a pen and paper journal that I use mostly for random doodling and some venting; I don't really write long, personal entries in my diaries, never had, so I finally (DUUUUH) realized it was stupid to try to force myself to. That's not something I do, it doesn't feel right for me, and I always fail at it. I do like having a place to jot out the lyrics that are stuck in my head, though; bits of poetry or turns of phrase that come into my head; sayings or quotes that catche me; a place I can paste and save pictures I've found that are pretty or inspiring, etc. And that's as valid of a use of my journals as anything else, and I should be cool with that.

I have all the clothing to donate at the bottom of my closet, ready to go. I just need to actually make the trip. I figure next time I head there to buy new clothes, I'll drop the old ones off. And man, there are a lot of them. I don't fit well into anything anymore.

"Go to a Meet-up" and "Meet-up with LJ/Facebook/Tumblr friends" are both happening soon; next Saturday we're meeting up with a couple we met online, and (she said she'd announce the date this weekend, hopefully she does soon) later this month I'll be going to a Boston Sherlock meetup with a bunch of fellow Tumblrites. I hope there are opportunities to do more of these things this year, of course, but technically, these things will be fulfilling the goals I set out, and it will feel nice to check a couple of things off the list (or at least put tic marks next to them, and add to them as the year goes on...? Maybe).

I got Society6 art for Christmas and I bookmarked two lovely pieces of art on Etsy that I WANT SO BAD OMG for my living room.

I'm at 156 lbs., 16 more to go, which is SO DOABLE, COME ON SELF, GET MOTIVATED (is so, so lazy. I think it's the weird winter/not winter weather).

I have a half-dozen granny squares toward the afghan.

I'm currently enrolled in two of the final four classes I need for my degree.

Registration for MJ 2013 opens in October, and I am ON that.

Mel and I keep tossing around the idea of a podcast. I think I know what I want to do. Just need plans and time. And a slightly better mic than what I have.

I'm moving. I'm still going. Not as quickly as I'd like, and with far more sudden stops and false starts than I'd like, but I'm moving. And that, ultimately, is the point. Just keep going.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_geeklove/]

Progress, however slow going, is progress; I don't need to cross the finish line to feel satisfied, I need only not stand still.

Amen to that.

You know I believe you can do these things. The drive and the talent is there. And just keep swimming.. :)

[sumofherregrets.livejournal.com]

I ALMOST put "just keep swimming" as the last line, and then thought better of it decided not to, for some reason. It will forever be a missed opportunity.

Getting myself motivated is hard, but I know I'm capable of all these things. I'm actually three lines away from finishing one of the poems that stalled out months ago, leaving me one closer to completion! Excited, yes I am.

[larivee22.livejournal.com]

I don't really write long, personal entries in my diaries, never had, so I finally (DUUUUH) realized it was stupid to try to force myself to. That's not something I do, it doesn't feel right for me, and I always fail at it. I do like having a place to jot out the lyrics that are stuck in my head, though; bits of poetry or turns of phrase that come into my head; sayings or quotes that catche me; a place I can paste and save pictures I've found that are pretty or inspiring, etc. And that's as valid of a use of my journals as anything else, and I should be cool with that.

It's funny you mention that. I realized I got way more out of my private journals once realized that writing about my daily life was redundant because I was chronicling my daily life to pen pals / social media and then started basically reserving my journals for therapy exercises / story ideas / quotes / research subjects and to do lists, because once the dross of everyday life was removed I could really see the issues I had to talk to someone about, notice that whole manic thing I had that had been obscured before, and what my real priorities were as opposed to what my socially acceptable priorities were. It was interesting and kind of a shock.

I'm with you on the writing too, I'm going back to my older stuff from a few months ago and editing. It is humbling. But nothing pays off like persistence.
Good luck.

[sumofherregrets.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have other outlets for daily life stuff... the things I like to keep track of are exactly what I mentioned - I'll get a string of words stuck in my head, or I'll just want to doodle, or something - and those things are important to, and I should have a place for them. So I'm allowing myself that, now. It's inconsistent (I'm still not doing it every day), but it's there if I need to.

[sumofherregrets.livejournal.com]

Easy to remember, intellectually; harder to consistently put in practice. Sometimes I really just want to stop (like, not in a suicidal way or anything, but just say "fuck it" and give up on a lot of the stuff that is slow going), but I've lived basically my whole life that way, and I'm sick of it, and "just keep going" is one of the things that it is entirely within my power to do. So there's really no excuse.

I guess the other thing is remembering that even when you hit a full stop and just give up, you can always get up and start again... just spend too much time berating yourself for having stopped in the first place...

[flummoxed.livejournal.com]

I love your list! keep on keeping on! :)

[sumofherregrets.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Hard to do, but worth it, I'm sure.